i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
