i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
