I need help removing her.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
