If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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