i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
