i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you traded sex for a burrito?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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