hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize