Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
did i walk over a car last night?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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