Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am