I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
