Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
sex in a hospital.. check
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
