Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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