I am puke
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just had sex on a roof
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
