and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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