I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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