shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
