big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
