Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You don't make any sense
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