So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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