I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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