Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
