So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
