I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
