I wanna bring you to show and tell
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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