She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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