he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He? As in you personified your dick?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
