I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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