I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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