i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
