I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
