I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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