Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
