and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
