I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
