she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We had sex on a dog bed..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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