so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
