In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
