it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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