I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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