if only i could text you this smell
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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