question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
