sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
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when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The ass gains better be worth it
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