u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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