So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
