There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just found puke in my bra..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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