no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
