Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
