I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
