Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
