I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
