is your mom at the bar?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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