I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
