So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
