the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
