i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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