She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
