im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
