you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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