I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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