I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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