Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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