i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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