she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
